Grief and Gifts

It has been 5 years since my father passed away. I still miss my papa very much. As I was making plan for our family Christmas dinner, my heart longed for his presence at our family party. My brother used to organize games and my father would participate sportingly and enjoy the play! I miss playing with him and watch him having fun. And he would be so appreciative of the gift I bought him.

Recently, on my way to visit my mum, I smiled as I looked at the bag I carried, the sandals I wore and the watch on my hand - these were all gifted by my father. I felt comforted and loved. I like the way my father is present with me through his gifts.

The gift he left behind, though a small sum, yields interest that I could use to buy myself gifts for my birthday or Christmas. Gifts are not even my top love language, thus I am surprised how precious his gifts are to me. And how assuring to have a lifetime supply of gifts from my papa. 

These are some of what I have purchased in the past years - books, tea leaves, soap, windbreaker, hat, sandals, bag, shoes. This year, I bought a watch for my birthday.

This is how I accompany my grief and how I allow my papa’s love to accompany me though he is physically no longer with me.

Yesterday at our Christmas gathering, our family chatted about MBTI and we tried to guess papa's MBTI type. It felt really nice to still remember and talk about our father. There is a tinge of sadness, accompanied by the warmth of remembering him with my family. 

This is part of grieving. We feel, remember and love. As we keep doing this, the pain of grief will get lighter but the strength of love will remain. Grieve alone and grieve with your loved ones.

This Christmas season, are you missing someone who may not be with you anymore? You miss because you love and are loved.  Let your heart remember. Feel the missing, feel the love.

Blessed Christmas 🎄