Loving my emotions
What is your heart telling you this year?
One of my highlights this year is how my heart (emotion) boldly made its presence felt. Months ago, I was watching a Korean movie “Dogs day” on a flight. I felt very moved by the story and for the characters in the story. I felt my grief too. I allowed my feelings to feel and myself to cry and be soothed. I turned to my friend seated beside me and acknowledged for the first time, “I am a very emotional person, and I like it!”
I always see my emotions as strengths and appreciate them as gift from God, especially how they show up at work. They help me feel and empathize with my clients and intuitively guide me in journeying with their experiences. But being an emotional person is not something one would flaunt or be proud of. Maybe subconsciously, I have not loved and liked this feeling part of me enough. I did not think it would help me as much as I think it would help my clients.
What if being emotionally sensitive and attuned is a gift for me to benefit too? What if the needs of my emotions are not merely to be regulated or cared for? What if it is an active agent working in me to bring about happiness and wisdom, and create a better world for myself?
I decided to use my gift of emotions for myself, and not just for others. For me, this involves actively welcoming and engaging with my heart. This is not always a safe and smooth process. As I begin to more intentionally feel my emotions, I began to feel a loneliness that was not familiar. It felt uneasy. Despite that, I stayed with the discomfort, remained curious about the unknown and waited. I could not make sense. I have a close knitted family, an inner circle of close friends and a vocation that fits so well. Was I not contented? Was I too greedy? My heart then assured me that I was not. There was something valid about my feelings.
Then came a day when I faced my loneliness more vulnerably and heard its pain. Naming it as a pain made it sound serious. But it is a pain. Though different in degrees, each of us has experienced and felt the pangs of our own emotions. It hurts regardless of how we try to normalise or minimise it. Only when I named and felt the pain of the loneliness, I understood it more. What my heart revealed to me is too personal to share here. But I will share one part of my journey. I realised the needs of my connectedness strengths (CliftonStrengths) were unmet. It is in my DNA to want to be a part of something bigger than myself. A space where I feel a sense of belonging to a community and a sense of greater purpose. While I have been blessed by some communities, others have failed me or fallen short. Being part of a community is not always easy or safe. But I am going to try again. I will allow my heart to guide me and trust its wisdom and resilience.
Writing this is also an expression of my connectedness needs. In sharing my relationship with emotions, I hope to encourage you to do the same for your heart. I invite you to feel and give a voice to your emotions. Maybe your emotions need your understanding, validation, empathy and love. Maybe being aware and appreciative of your emotions will guide you to actions that you can take towards health and happiness.
For me, I learnt that if I love my emotions, I want to care for it more extravagantly. Deep in my soul, I long to relate more intimately with my heart. I wonder what may blossom from there.
